It is transition time again. You wouldn’t know by the 90+ degree weather outside my air-conditioned windows, but summer is having its ‘last call’. Students in my local school system begin on Monday, as in this Monday, August 18. I still struggle to wrap my head around that; growing up we were still in the thick of summer at this point, but that is New England for you. I saw someone who lives in Florida post back-to-school photos this week and many of my school teacher friends and clients began this week.
I’ve been thinking mostly about the college transition these past few days as I have a niece and three clients leaving for their freshman year and several clients returning to college after a summer at home. The launching experience has a common thread and yet, is unique to each student. I have had some clients who have never been away from home. They have had a sleepover here or there, but being away from home/parents for more than a handful of days is a very new experience. I have had many clients (and my own children) who spent weeks and months at sleep-away camp. Their transition, still grand in many ways, is a little easier as they have been away from home therefore more comfortable with that separation. Interestingly enough, I once had a client who went to boarding school. For her she was just moving boxes into a different dorm; leaving home was as natural as brushing her teeth. She did note that she was excited about new freedoms since the strict boarding school rules of ‘lights out at 11:00’ are unheard of on college campuses.
The students who are newly separating seem to have a harder time. They are not used to the distance from their parents, so accustomed to their proximity at all times. There have been tears shed in my office where I readily accept and validate the sadness and fears. I try to normalize their feelings while also reminding them that they are resilient and although this is a difficult time, most kids adjust quite well.
I like to tell the rising freshman that everyone is on the same playing field. No one has been to college yet. Everyone is new and feeling the same awkwardness and apprehension. I tell the students that their dorm floor is their starting gate. I encourage them to get to know their neighbors, keep their doors open and say hi in the halls and communal bathrooms. Some of the best conversations can be had looking at your neighbor through the mirror while washing your face.
I encourage my clients to go to meals with the kids on their halls and hang out in each other’s rooms. I’ve heard that video games are a great bonding activity, more often with young men, while the female student body, although some do play video games, are often chatting and sharing as females are prone to do.
I’ve told the kids that their next option for friendships come with via classes, clubs and activities. Often they find peers that are more like-minded in these arenas and form really nice connections that can last a lifetime.
It has been a minute since I have been to college, although I have done my share of tearful drop-offs and supported many parents through the sting of driving away having left their most precious children behind. I always remind them that although this is really hard and painful, we wouldn’t want it any other way, plus they will be home with dirty clothes and hungry bellies within months.